Get it at all sites while you can – it goes to Amazon – Kindle Unlimited for three months
starting March 16th!
~ Synopsis ~
Dove Glitch is embarrassed about everything above her knees and below her belly button. When she has to fill a delicate, embarrassing prescription the last thing she needs is a sexy-as-hell (and brand spanking new) pharmacist behind the counter.
Johnson Fitzwell’s first day of his dream career also happens to coincide with the exact moment Dove needs her feminine meds filled. His glorious voice is way too loud–as in, he should be counting down the hits with Ryan Seacrest kind of loud. Thanks to Johnson’s handsome face and gorgeous jaw line, Dove dives headlong into her waking nightmare and asks for a vagina-scented cream.
How could she not fall for him? Dove’s only active goal now is to get Johnson to kiss her right on the lips. Either set. However, his horrible girlfriend is one of many obstacles preventing her from making that fantasy a reality. When Dove defends Johnson in the most unhygienic, unconventionally gross way in the middle of a crowded restaurant, their tender, slightly tantric relationship is off to a galloping, farting start.
Each print copy of this book will be dipped in holy water by my mom, and glared at by my father as he purses his lips. Neither will help. So, drop your pants and turn to the left and cough. I hope you’re not allergic to latex, because it’s time to fill your prescription. Anally.
I’m a bad blogger – I’ve had this review drafted and saved since it was released and I’m just NOW finishing it – BAD blogger Deb, BAD BLOGGER!
But this has been one of the hardest reviews I’ve ever had to write – how do you put into words anything about this…. story? Stream of consciousness? Because reading this book was gut wrenching, and maybe not in the way you’re thinking – but because it left me laughing so hard I felt like I’d been in an ab-toning class (thanks for that Deb.)
If you have ever witnessed or been a part of Debra’s Facebook/Twitter, you know she has a love of all things vagina and anal related (get your mind out of the gutter.)
The turn of phrase she can get away with is pretty spectacular – cringe worthy, yet spectacular.
When Dove goes to get her cooter cream filled at her local pharmacy, the last person she wants to discuss her vaginal issues with is the hunka hunka burnin’ love in front of her – Johnson. Not only is Johnson hot, but he speaks at an octave loud enough that EVERYONE in their vicinity knows just what Dove needs to do to solve her pussy problems.
The issues that Dove has – good god, the woman is a walking calamity – but I’m not gonna lie, I loved her. She may be foul mouthed and have the worlds worst luck but that’s what makes her so loveable.
Dove hasn’t gotten laid in forever – she’s hoping Johnson will look past her raging yeast infection and throw her a bone – once it’s cleared up of course, a pharmacist of his pedigree would never do anything to harm her vagina. He wants to help her heal it, even after she goes on a hair-removing venture that DOES not end well.
Imagine every embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you – now magnify that by 1000 and you have Dove. Every little thing your best friend of 20 years will NEVER let you forget wrapped up in a pretty little package – filled with the only kind of friends you’ll ever find when you live in an apartment complex. Duke, the man who never wears any pants and is never without a slim jim in his hand – I’ve met this guy, lived next door to him for nearly three years, but his name was Ryan in my life. Duke kinda loves Dove for all the crazy she is – cooter issues – shitting her pants – bad hair-removal processing – he’s there for her, through thick and thin and he’s kind of awesome in that way.
Even though he’s 100% revolting – and everything about him SCREAMS this guy –
he’s kinda lovable and endearing.
You must go into this book with a VERY open mind, and maybe an empty stomach?
DEFINITELY – DO NOT DRINK around any electronic reading devices with this book. I made that mistake. Twice.
Duke: “I just want to make sure he’s a good fit for her. She has problems – craps her pants, stuff like that. If she needs help, I want to be there.”
“Your meat curtains smell like a dirty, dead whore that fucked a dirty, dead gorilla.”
Duke: “You know what I love best about a naked muff hole? It looks just like a camel’s dangly lips.” Duke extended his own lops to make them appear gummy and slack.”
You can see – I’ve kinda got a soft spot for him.